To: mag@ncsa.uiuc.edu
Subject: more humor
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1996 10:17:57 -0600


>             DO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG
>
>
>I met her __________  _____;  I can still recall _________
>             (1)       (2)                          (3)
>
>1.                      2.                      3.
>on the highway          in September            that purple dress
>in Sheboygan            at McDonald's           that little hat
>outside Fresno          ridin' shotgun          that burlap bra
>at a truck stop         wrestlin' gators        those training pants
>on probation            all hunched over        the stolen goods
>in a jail cell          poppin' uppers          that plastic nose
>in a nightmare          sort of pregnant        the Stassin pin
>incognito               with joggers            the neon sign
>in the Stone Age        stoned on oatmeal       that creepy smile
>in a treehouse          with Merv Griffin       the hearing aid
>in a gay bar            dead all over           the boxer shorts
>
>
>she wore; She was ______  _____,
>                    (4)    (5)
>
>4.                                  5
>sobbin' at the toll booth           in the twilight
>drinkin' Dr. Pepper                 but I loved her
>weighted down with Twinkies         by the off-ramp
>breakin' out with acne              near Poughkeepsie
>crawlin' through the prairie        with her cobra
>smellin' kind of funny              when she shot me
>crashin' through the guardrail      on her elbows
>chewin' on a hangnail               with Led-Zeppelin
>talkin' in Swahili                  with Miss Piggy
>drownin' in the quicksand           with a wetback
>slurpin' up linguini                in her muu-muu
>
>
>and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever;
>             (6)      (7)        (8)
>
>6.                                    7.                     8.
>no guy would ever love her more       I promised her         stay with her
>that she would be an easy score       I knew deep down       warp her mind
>she'd bought her dentures in a store  She asked me if        swear off
booze
>that she would be a crashing bore     I told her shrink      change my sex
>I'd never rate her more than "4"      The judge declared     punch her out
>they'd hate her guts in Baltimore     My Pooh Bear said      live off her
>it was a raven, nothing more          I shrieked in pain     have my rash
>we really lost the last World War     The painters knew      stay a dwarf
>I'd have to scrape her off the floor  A Klingon said         hate her dog
>what strong deodorants were for       My hamster thought     pick my nose
>that she was rotten to the core       The blood test showed  play "Go Fish"
>that I would upchuck on the floor     Her rabbi said         salivate
>
>
>She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____
>                (9)                               (10)
>
>9.                           10.
>our love would never die     run off
>there was no other guy       wind up
>man wasn't meant to fly      boogie
>that Nixon didn't lie        yodel
>her basset hound was shy     sky dive
>that Rolaids made her high   turn green
>she'd have a swiss on rye    freak out
>she loved my one blue eye    blast off
>her brother's name was Hy    make it
>she liked "Spy vs. Spy"      black out
>that birthdays made her cry  bobsled
>she couldn't stand my tie    grovel
>
>___________; _________ goodbye.
>   (11)        (12)
>
>11.                         12.
>  with my best friend       You'd think at least that she'd have said
>  in my Edsel               I never had the chance to say
>  on a surfboard            She told her fat friend Grace to say
>  on "The Gong Show"        I now can kiss my credit cards
>  with her dentist          I guess I was too smashed to say
>  on her "Workmate"         I watched her melt away and sobbed
>  with a robot              She fell beneath the wheels and cried
>  with no clothes on        She sent a hired thug to say
>  at her health club        She freaked out on the lawn and screamed
>  in her Maytag             I pushed her off the bridge and waved
>  with her guru             But that's the way that pygmies say
>  while in labor            She sealed me in the vault and smirked.